A Note From My 34-Year-Old Self

Who knew when they said hindsight is 20/20 that they were talking about the year 2020?! The last thing I could have imagined when I wrote this post to myself a year ago was that there would be a global pandemic in my 33rd year of life. Yet here I am, reflecting on 2020 as I turn 34. This last year has had so many twists and turns along the way that it feels like a miracle to have made it this far, and in other ways, it has felt like a lost year. 

In rereading last year’s note to myself, I was struck by how many lines in it still made me nod in agreement. While my early 30’s may have been spent finding myself, this last year was all about developing deeper connections with others (albeit from six feet away and in a mask). This was also the year where I looked inside of myself, I mean, really took a good look. I thought about what made me happy, wondered what I wanted out of life, and even examined some of my not-so-flattering traits. I learned how to open up more in a whole new way—both to new experiences and people, I’ve dabbled with being vulnerable (although I’m still not comfortable with it), and I’ve even sought the help of a professional to work out some of my anxiety issues. I’ve made regular nightly meditation sessions a priority, learned to work (and work out) at home by myself, and got comfortable spending time with my thoughts. 

My 33rd trip around the sun was nothing like what I had thought it would be. But growth doesn’t come from comfort zones. 2020 pushed me so far outside of what I knew to be comfortable that it forced me to approach my life through a new lens. Now, as I prepare for this next year, I have a clearer picture of where I’m headed—and that is a beautiful thing. 

While this last year has been a challenge for all of us, it’s important to remember the good moments that were had. I’m grateful that I’ve found my way back to the barn, I’m hopeful that we’ll get back on track soon and enjoy some sense of normalcy in the future, and I’m honored to have so many amazing and strong women around me who lift me up when I need a hand. Their support of me means the world, and each year I’m reminded that there’s no better gift than the gift of true friendship.