Coping with Grief as a Caregiver

When I arrived at my grandmother’s condo two years ago on this day, I never thought it would be the last time she would be in her home of more than two decades. I had driven almost an hour to pick her up and take her to the Emergency Room after she complained of severe back pain and I consulted with her primary care physician that that would be the best place to go. But I couldn’t have fathomed the ordeal we were about to embark on.

What happened next is every caregiver’s worst nightmare and would become my own reality for the following two years as we weaved in and out of hospitals, sub-acute rehabilitation centers, and eventually made it to our final destination—a nursing home.

After two years of nightly visits to the long-term care facility, it became almost like my second home. Each night was like an episode from the sitcom Cheers (you know, the place where everybody knows your name). I was on a first-name basis with everyone on the staff from the receptionist to the social worker and came to know most of the resident’s life stories over time.

But my visits became more and more difficult as the grandmother I once knew slowly started to slip further and further away. I treated each visit as though it could be my last and despite my best efforts to always say ‘I love you’ before I left, there never felt like there was enough time to say everything.

I didn’t know what to think or do when I got the dreaded phone call in the early morning hours of June 17 that my grandmother had passed away. While it wasn’t unexpected, it still felt like a shock.

A mere three months after her passing, I’m unsure of how to process all of the emotions that one wrestles with after the loss of a loved one. Some days it’s easier to find peace, but on days like today, everything triggers me and makes me think of the relationship I lost.

Today, I am coping with grief by practicing self-care, stepping away from work, and taking myself to one of my favorite beaches for a long sanity stroll. I’m looking forward to finding some quiet moments during the day to be alone with my thoughts and reflect on the passage of time.

If you’re a caregiver or someone going through grief, know that you are not alone, and I see you. I love you. And you are doing a great job.