10 Truths I’ve Learned About Grief

My grandmother would have turned 97 today. She would also have been horrified that I’m sharing that in a blog post—and even more so that I’m making a fuss about her birthday (she never cared for them). But she knew that when it came to celebrating birthdays, her granddaughter was all for it. So, she had no choice but to indulge me. Now, instead of looking forward to a celebration, I brace myself for a trigger.

Grief has a way of catching you off guard. Some parts of it you expect—birthdays, holidays, anniversaries. Others sneak up on you, like hearing a Frank Sinatra song while waiting in line at the bakery. If there’s one thing I’ve learned about grief, it’s that it’s a lifelong companion. There will always be reminders of the people we’ve lost. Some will bring comfort, offering a quiet moment of reflection. Others will test your strength in ways you never anticipated.

Here are 10 things I’ve learned about navigating grief:

1. Grief isn’t linear: It comes in waves, sometimes unexpectedly. You don’t just “move on,” you move forward with it.
   
   
2. Grief changes, but it doesn’t disappear: Over time, grief shifts. It may not be as sharp, but it remains a part of you in different ways.
   
   
3. Triggers are everywhere: A song, a scent, a place—things you don’t expect can bring back emotions just as strongly as in the beginning.
   
   
4. Grief is both pain and love: The intensity of grief reflects the love you had for that person.
   
   
5. There’s no “right way” to grieve: Everyone processes loss differently. Comparing your grief to someone else’s can make it even harder.
   
   
6. Support matters: Having people who understand or are simply willing to listen can make a huge difference.
   
   
7. Grief can be exhausting: Emotionally, mentally, and even physically. Giving yourself grace and rest is important.
   
   
8. Healing doesn’t mean forgetting: You carry the person with you in memories, actions, and even in the lessons they left behind.
   
   
9. Joy and grief can coexist: It’s okay to smile, laugh, and feel happy again. It doesn’t mean you love or miss them any less.
   
   
10. You’re never really “over it”: But you learn how to live with it, how to honor the person, and how to keep going in a way that feels right for you.

And a bonus, just because: 

Grief evolves with you: As you change and grow, so does your relationship with your grief. New life experiences can bring fresh perspectives or even new layers of grief.

What tips would you add to help someone who is grieving?